Tears
by middaymoon69
Summary: The normal path of life shouldn't include tears, and when it does, it leaves footprints on the future. Lives change as tears fall and it dictates what happens next.


**April 17****th**

"Why." Olivia cried, kneeling at the headstone on that stormy afternoon, the tears pouring down her face, mingling with the rain as she traced the outline of the name.

"It was bad luck Olivia." Cragen said, putting his hand on her shoulder behind her, holding his umbrella over her head.

"He shouldn't have died." she cried, running her hand over Elliot's name, engraved on the stone, the smoothness of the marble making her hand slip. She fisted some of the soil that covered his coffin and couldn't help but remember how blood had recently coated her hands like the mud did now.

"He told me about you two. Just before he died." Cragen said, squeezing her shoulder and she rested her head against his hand.

"In the hospital?" she croaked, her voice strained with emotion.

"No, that morning before... before... He told me that he's been dating you for nearly six months now and he wanted to transfer out of the unit so he wouldn't jeopardize either of your careers. He said you talked about getting married."

"It's true. He proposed to me two weeks ago." she said, tears still falling steadily from her eyes, splashing amongst the flowers.

"Did Kathy know?"

"Yes. We told her and the kids a few months ago. That's why they gave me the flag. She knows that we were going to get married." And she looked down at the drenched flag in her lap, her fingers trailing over some of the stars.

"I figured as much." he said, sitting down on the grass beside her where the still freshly tilled earth shifted beneath his fingers, and he instantly soaked through in the rain.

"It's not fair that he died."

"It never is."

"I don't just mean that Captain... I just, never got the chance to tell him... I only found out the other day..." she cried, holding the flag close to her chest.

"What is it Olivia?" he said, a faint note of urgency in his voice

"I'm pregnant. And he'll never know." she said and she buried her head in her hands. Cragen squeezed her shoulder sympathetically, careful not to voice his shock and pulled her into a tight hug as she wept.

"You'll pull through it Olivia. You always do." he said and he picked her up off the ground, half carrying her to his car before driving her home.

* * *

><p><span>September 28<span>th

"_Are you OK Elliot?" Olivia asked as he rubbed his forehead, his eyes closed in thought._

"_I just wish we could have gotten something more concrete to nail the guy for the other murders." He said, leaning forward against his desk_

"_We got him on four of them, and Alex is confident, especially with his confession that he'll get the death penalty."_

"_Its just that will never have the other two bodies for the parents of those girls."_

"_We'll find them Elliot and when we do, you can walk up to him on death row and let him know."_

"_I know." he said in exasperation and he yawned audibly._

"_Don't you have the kids this weekend?" Olivia asked, trying to divert his attention._

"_No, next. Kathy and her new husband are taking them up state this weekend, so I get the whole week next week as compensation."_

"_That's good." she said, looking back down at the file on her desk, fanning herself with another against the heat of July. "Ug, I can't go over these another time – its driving me nuts."_

"_Here, here." Elliot said, flipping his own papers closed. _

"_Do you want to go get a drink before we head home and start fresh in the morning?" she said, standing up and pulling her bag out of her locker._

"_Yeah why not. I'm not going to get anything else done here." and they left the precinct together, headed for the local watering hole._

_Three beers a piece each later, the summer night was making them weary and the alcohol, much less restrained._

"_I'm going to head back to my flat." Olivia said after nearly an hour of competing over who was better at darts, and heading over to the door. _

"_I should go too. Do you want to share a cab?"_

"_Yeah, sure." she said and they walked out into the balmy night together._

"_You've been a good friend to my Liv." he said as they stepped into one of the classical yellow cars._

"_So have you." she said smiling._

"_No, I mean really. If it weren't for you, I don't think I could have made it through this mess with Kathy."_

"_Elliot, you just needed someone at that time who didn't care what was happening in your marriage, to treat you normally."_

"_I know" he said as they turned the corner, pulling up in front of Olivia's building. "I'll walk from here." he added to the cabbie._

_They got out and Elliot walked her up to her door._

"_I mean it Liv. Thank you." he said and he put his hand on her arm, pulling her in close to him and planting his lips softly on hers. She gasped against his lips in shock before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, fuelled by the alcoholic courage they had consumed. He exerted a gentle pressure and Olivia felt herself responding, starting to kiss her back._

"_No." she said, pulling away "We shouldn't"_

"_You're right." he said, gently kissing her again, to which she did not protest. "We shouldn't." he said, releasing her lips and replacing them on her neck. Olivia managed somehow to get her building door open and Elliot slipped inside, snaking his arms around her waist. _

"_Are you coming in for coffee?" she breathed, pulling away from him and running half way up the flight of stairs. Elliot smiled and chased her as she ran the three flights up to her apartment, catching her with a flight to go and she let him pin her against the wall, peppering kisses along her jaw to nibble at her earlobe. _

_She fumbled at her door, and he enveloped her as she opened up her flat, feeling his hands wrap around to hold her hips._

"_Do you want another drink?" she said as they fell through the frame._

"_Please." he said and he let her go as she rummaged for a set of clean glasses. She poured them both some vodka from a bottle on her bookcase. He downed it in one and took the bottle from her hand, pouring himself another as she sipped at the clear liquid. Elliot took a sip and put the glass down, walking back over to her and pulling the tumbler out of her hand._

"_Elliot?" she asked, looking up at him as he placed his hands on her shoulders "What are we doing?"_

"_This." he said and he kissed her forcefully causing her to stumble backwards slightly. Olivia snaked her hands around his neck and pulled him closer to her, pressing her body up against him and opening her mouth to allow access to his prying tongue. He picked her up and held her pressed against him, pushing her against the wall as they stumbled together. Holding her hands above her head, Elliot slipped her shirt off, keeping her propped against the wall with his hips, and he sucked in any surrounding air as he looked her up and down. He kissed her collar bone, working her way down to the tops of her breasts and Olivia held the back of his head, her eyes closed in desire._

"_You are so beautiful Liv." he said, the alcohol slurring his words sightly. She giggled, highly out of character and pulled his face back into her, her lips sealing across his. Elliot's hands crept from where they sat on her waist up to her bust, cupping one of her lace clad breasts. She moaned at his touch and he took it as a sign to continue, and he squeezed it slightly, Olivia gasping into his kiss._

_She pushed him away and her chest heaved up and down as she panted and Elliot's face displayed his puzzled mind. Slowly, she reached out and pulled his shirt out of his trousers and worked furiously at the buttons and pushed it off. Elliot shrugged the sleeves off and picked her up again and dropped her on the couch lying down on top of her. Olivia grinned maliciously and rolled out from under him standing in the middle of the living room and reached behind her. Slyly, she opened a door and ducked behind it as Elliot watched her from the sofa. He felt himself significantly harden when she threw her bra out the door and he stumbled to get up and he ran into her bedroom where she had disappeared. The door banged open and his eyes filled with lust at the sight of Olivia clad in nothing but her underwear on her bed. He ran over to her but stopped, her hand against his chest and she kissed him lightly, her breasts pressed against his bare chest. She kissed down his chest, feeling his breathing becoming erratic, stopping only when she reached his navel where she pulled at his belt, pulling it out of the loops. He groaned as she cupped him through his trousers and undid the button himself, kicking them off and pulling Olivia back up to his lips and pushing her back onto the bed, cupping her breasts._

_Olivia moaned and arched into his hands, raising her knee as he did so to brush against his hardness, feeling him responds to her touch. He hooked his thumbs in the waist line of her underwear and pulled them off, inhaling the sent before throwing them into a corner. Trailing a finger through the valley of her breasts, Elliot let his hand travel down her body, coming to rest at her centre and he pressed his hand against her core making her hips buck off the mattress. He smiled at her reaction and slipped a finger inside her eliciting a loud moan and she pushed his hand away, flipping them over, pulling his boxers off and straddling him. She reached over to her night stand and pulled a condom out, pushing it into his hand and Elliot silently hastened to obey her un-worded command. He put his hands on her hips and lifted her slightly so that she was positioned above his shaft and lifted himself off the bed faintly so that the tip of his cock entered her and she gasped and melted onto him._

_Her eyes fluttered closed as she adjusted to his size and she leaned over top of him, laying her lips on his, rocking her hips slightly as she did so. He needed the control and flipped them back over, pulling himself out and thrusting back into her making her scream his name in pleasure. She wrapped one of her legs around his waist and Elliot pulled the other under his arm, burying himself deeper into her core. _

"_Open your eyes." he said, ceasing his movements momentarily. She forced them open and he swooped a kiss down of her as he thrust into her again making her buck. _

"_Come for me." Elliot ordered, thrusting roughly into her again, his own release on the edge. He could see that Olivia was trying to fight it and he moved his hand down to tickle her clit, pulling her to the brink of destruction._

"_Elliot!" she cried as he pushed himself inside her with one last movement and she fell off the cliff Elliot had brought her to, bringing him with her._

* * *

><p><strong>April 17<strong>**th**

That night, once Cragen had dropped her home after the funeral, Olivia curled up in bed, unable to stem the emotional tidal wave that continued to crash over her. One arm was stretched over the empty side of the bed, feeling for any last traces of his warmth, the other hand, subconsciously draped across her stomach, wondering if she should cry for his loss, or the fact he wouldn't know his child. Tears cascaded down her face, soaking the pillow and she grabbed Elliot's pillow hugging it – wanting to feel closer to him. There was little left in the apartment that really smelled like him, but there was something about his pillow that retained his sent. She hadn't even washed the clothes in his hamper, knowing it would be like washing the remnants of him away.

A sound from outside the door made her jump in surprise; the noise shaking her from her haze.

"Olivia? Are you there?" Alex called from the hall outside her apartment. She climbed out of bed and stumbled over to the door, opening it to reveal her friend. "What happened? You said that you would come back to my flat after the funeral – you shouldn't be alone tonight."

"I stayed with him." she said, slouching on her sofa, tears running down her face again and she walked back into her bedroom coming out with Elliot's pillow.

"Yes, I called Cragen. He told me that you two were together... before he died..." and Olivia was grateful that she hid her surprise in light of her friend's misery.

"Did he tell you everything?" Olivia said, looking up at Alex who was making tea at her counter

"He said you had something to tell me when you were ready. So, I'm here when you are." she said, handing her a mug and sitting down beside her, tucking a damp strand of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you." she said, laying down amongst the cushions and wiping her face of her tears. "I think I need to tell you now though." And Alex pulled her wet jacket off, trying to warm up the sodden detective.

"When your ready." she said, pulling her into a hug, rubbing her back.

"Alex, I'm pregnant." she said and the room went quiet.

"Oh, sweetie, how far?" she said after a moment, putting her tea down and staring down at her.

"I don't know... and he'll never know." Olivia said, the tears still falling from her face as she stood up to grab a tissue.

"You mean, you never told him?"

"I found out the day he died. I never got the chance." she said sorrowfully.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. This must be eating away at you." she said and Olivia nodded. "You know what though; this is like having a piece of Elliot with you for the rest of your life. You'll see him through this child."

"But that's just it, every day; I'll look at it and know that I'll never see Elliot again. He'll never feel the first time it kicks inside me. He won't be there when the baby is born, or when it takes its first steps and talks for the first time. He won't be there when its time for him or her to go to school and collage…"

"It will take time honey but eventually you'll remember him and smile instead of cry."

"Are you sure?" she said, tears still leaking from her eyes.

"Olivia, every day in your job you see people who are mired with misery. Even your mother. She was a broken woman after what happened to her but didn't she tell you that having you was the best decision she made and that you were the sole happy thing in her life for a long time after that?"

"She did... but I just can't see beyond that at the moment."

"You'll come through. You weren't considering terminating... were you?"

"No, god no. But it's just hard to think about it."

"I know Olivia." Alex said and she gave her a tight squeeze before letting her go and standing up. "Come on, let's get you into bed and tomorrow I'll take you to the doctors to find out how far along you are."

"Will you stay here tonight, and just be my friend."

"Of course. I don't want you to be alone tonight. I'll stay as long as you need me to." she said and she pulled Olivia up and walked her into the bedroom, helped her change into a night gown and put her into bed.

The next morning Alex took her to the local obstetrician and held Olivia as she continued to sob silently in the waiting room, Alex brushing a gentle hand down her head, comforting her.

"Ms Benson?" the nurse called and Alex picked her up onto her feet and walked her into the room. Olivia settled herself in the chair once she changed into the gown and clung onto Alex's hand as they waited for the doctor. The ADA looked down at her friend and was shocked to see how small she looked. Here she was – a normally strong and vivacious woman, crumbling before her, though, she had to admit; justifiably.

"Hello, how are we today." the doctor said as she walked into the room. "I'm Dr. Walters."

"I'm OK." Olivia said, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

"Forgive me but you don't seem OK." Dr. Walters said, studying her face, noting her bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and general unkempt appearance.

"Um, she just lost her fiancé, the baby's father. His funeral was yesterday." Alex said, still holding her arm around her friend consolingly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." she said, sitting down and beginning the exam. "You're lucky to have a friend though to be here with you." she added, gesturing to Alex.

"I know." Olivia said as Alex handed her a tissue to wipe her still wet eyes.

"Well, it looks like your about eight weeks along." Dr Walters said, pointing to the monitor "And that's your baby, there." she said pointing.

Olivia stared at the image on the screen and her eyes watered again. All she could see was a small peanut shaped thing but the heart beat echoed around the room and she understood what Alex had meant last night about how this baby would make her happy. She didn't know why but despite her despair at Elliot's death, she couldn't help but love the baby inside her. She had wanted children, but with Elliot along side her – raising them together, not alone.

"Liv?" Alex said, shaking her shoulder slightly

"Yeah?"

"Ms Benson, I was just saying that it looks like your due date is the 6th of December, so you just need to make another appointment for a month's time and then you can go. And I've printed out a picture for you." Dr Walters said handing the Polaroid to her.

"Thank you." she said, taking the photo and standing up.

"I'll wait outside." Alex said, leaving the room with the doctor

* * *

><p><span>September 29<span>th

_Olivia woke up the morning afterwards with her head pounding, a hang over definitely the result of her night's activities. She looked around her room and swore. Elliot was lying next to her, fast asleep with his head buried in the pillow and the satin sheets covering his lower half. She looked down and saw that her naked frame confirmed her fears and blushed, scared of the repercussions this would have. Slowly, she sat up, pulling the sheet with her and slipped into the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind her and turned on the shower, stepping under the scalding water, trying in vain to wash away the sin from last night._

_When she came out of the bathroom twenty minutes later the first thing she saw was her partner missing from her bed. Walking out into the living room, she saw him in her kitchen, pulling toast out of the toaster and buttering it._

"_Morning." She said shyly, accepting the plate he offered her._

"_Morning." He said, sitting down opposite her and placing a piece of jam toast in his mouth._

"_Elliot, do you remember last night?"_

"_Yeah…" he said, trailing off and matching her blush as the images of last night flashed through his head._

"_Is this going to be weird?" she said after a moment, finishing off the toast_

"_We could just forget it." He said, watching her take her plate and his into the kitchen and rinsing them clean_

"_We could." She said, not looking at him as she wiped the dishes._

"_I don't want to." Elliot said, getting up from the table and walking over to her._

"_Elliot, we can't work together with this hanging over our heads. It would be so awkward."_

"_Liv," he said and he spun her round to face him "I don't want this to stop." And he laid his lips on hers._

_The absence of alcohol made the kiss so much sweeter and he wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her in closer to him. Shocked at first she began to respond after a moment, threading her fingers through his hair and tilted her face to gain better access to his lips and Elliot picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist, hugging her as close to his body as he could, walking out into the living room and sitting down on the couch, pulling her into his lap._

"_Let's give this a try Olivia." He said, running his hand down the side of her face_

"_We can't. We'd never be able to work together and see each other at the same time, it's not allowed!"_

"_They don't have to know Liv." He said, staring into his eyes. "Liv, I've loved you for nearly three years, but it was always more like a sisterly affection… but now…"_

"_Elliot, don't" she said tears welling in her eyes, her body betraying her words as she leaned into him._

"_Olivia, you can't deny it." He said kissing her neck and she sighed in response_

"_Elliot, no, we can't."_

"_I know you want to give this a go. So, I'm taking you to dinner after work today. Wear something nice." He said and he kissed her briefly, standing up and pulling on his jacket. "I'll see you at work" and he disappeared out the door._

_Olivia couldn't keep her mind on her work that day, rather it kept drifting over the flash backs from that night. Every time her partner looked at her she saw him looming over her, the sweat dripping down his face, and the smell of sex filled her nostrils. Elliot knew that she was deliberating but he could see her resolve fading. Just after they had closed a case involving a man who went round lingerie stores, stole women's underwear and wore it before returning it to the store, she disappeared into Cragen's office and left the precinct for the day moments later._

"_Elliot, is there something wrong with Olivia?" Cragen asked once she had left._

"_Not to my knowledge." He said, looking up from his desk._

"_Do me a favour and go round and see how she is. You can take the rest of the day off. I think something's wrong."_

"_Can't be anything serious can it?"_

"_I don't know, so check it out for me, will you?"_

"_Sure." He said and he grabbed his coat and left._

_He arrived at her flat ten minutes later and let himself in (they had keys to each others apartments), finding her red eyed and definitely upset in the living room._

"_Liv?" he said, walking over to her and sitting down on the carpet where she was leaning against the sofa._

"_Elliot, what are you doing here?"_

"_The captain sent me."_

"_Why?"_

"_He's worried about you. He thinks there's something wrong."_

"_Well, you know of course."_

"_Liv, I'm sorry but I can't not have these feelings for you." And he turned to face her. She looked up at him and searched his face. Putting her hands on either side of his face she pulled him in close and laid her lips on his. He weaved his fingers through her hair and pushed his tongue into her mouth and they battled for dominance. She moaned into his mouth and pulled away, putting her arms around him. He pulled her into his lap and held her in the embrace, her head resting on his shoulder and he stroked the back of her head. _

"_I love you Elliot" she said, small tears falling from her eyes_

"_Liv?"_

"_I love you. I think I have for years."_

"_Like I have?" and she nodded. Elliot pulled her into an even tighter embrace and kissed her again. "I can't imagine my life with out you Olivia." He said as he pulled back._

* * *

><p><strong>April 17<strong>**th**

Alex took Olivia home after her appointment to find Cragen on her door step, waiting with a sad smile on his face for her joy and loss.

"How are you feeling?" he said as she unlocked the door, letting them in.

"I'm OK." She said, sitting down on the couch, hugging her knees, resting her chin on them, the overload of events in her life having rendered her numb.

"Olivia, I need to talk to you about work." He said, glancing over at Alex for support.

"She told me. I took her to see someone. We've just come back from a doctor's appointment."

"Olivia, you can't go out in the field while you're pregnant." Cragen said, sitting down beside her, putting his arm around her.

"I know." She mumbled into her baggy jeans.

"I need you to tell me what you want to do. You can stay and do desk duty and family interviews when we are sure that there is no risk of harm, or I can transfer you out of the unit into computer crimes or into internal affairs."

"Olivia?" Alex said

"I can do desk duty. I don't want to leave the unit." She said, rubbing her stomach.

"When's your baby due?" he said, sitting down next to her and holding her hand.

"December." She whispered, inadvertently staring at the calendar where April was displayed.

"Well, when ever you're ready to come back to work, we're all there. We're your family."

"I think I'll come in next week." She said "If that's OK."

"When ever you're ready." He said and he saw himself out.

"Are you sure?" Alex asked, sitting down next to her.

"I need to work. To do something." She said, getting up and pulling food out of the fridge.

"Well, I need to get to work too, OK? So I'll come down tonight and bring you some dinner if you like."

"Thank you." She said, making the beginning of a sandwich as Alex left.

A few mornings later, Olivia woke up to see that during the night Alex had cleaned most of her apartment and left a fresh bunch of flowers on the table. She climbed out of bed and no sooner had she done so; she felt the rise in bile in her throat and ran to the bathroom, the joys of pregnancy welcoming her. Wiping her mouth she kneeled against the tiles and sighed, making a mental note to see her doctor to get something to keep her stomach contents just there.

Once the nausea had passed she got up and got dressed and was just making herself some breakfast then the doorbell rang.

"Just a minute." She called, pulling the tea bags out of the cupboard and opening the door. "Kathy."

"Morning... Can I come in?" She asked, rather awkwardly.

"Yeah, OK." She said meekly, stepping back out of the way.

"I wanted to see how you were doing."

"I could be better." She sighed, pouring some tea for her self and gesturing at the pot for Kathy.

"Please." She said sitting down at the table and Olivia handed her a mug.

"How are Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Lizzie?"

"The twins are too young to realise what has happened but the older girls are taking it quite badly."

"I can understand it." She said "They've just lost their father. Is Jason OK that all your kids are living with you now?"

"He's fine. He's been very supportive. The kids have been asking about you though. They want to know how 'Auntie Olivia' is. You haven't been to see them since the funeral last week."

"I've had a lot to deal with." She said, walking over to the coffee table and picking something up.

"Its no more than what we've had to deal with. The kids loved their father, and I may not have been in love with Elliot, but I still loved him as the father of my children. No different to the fact that you loved him."

"Kathy, it's more complicated than that." She said and she handed her the thing in her hand. It was the sonogram picture from a few days ago.

"You're pregnant?" she demanded, shocked. Olivia nodded with tears in her eyes.

"I realised the day of his death."

"So Elliot never knew?"

"Please, don't make me feel worse than you already have."

"When are you due?"

"The beginning of December. The sixth."

"Olivia…"

"Look Kathy, I'm sorry if this comes as a surprise, but quite frankly, I'm terrified. And I'm only telling you now because I think it's only fair that the mother of Elliot's children know that they are going to have another sibling." She cried, the tears falling from her face.

"Olivia, I'm sorry but I wasn't trying to insult you."

"What were you trying to say then?" she demanded.

"I wanted to know when you planned on telling Mo, and Kate, and the twins… because I think it would brighten up their lives a bit. I'm sure it has for you."

Olivia wiped her face and stared at up at the older woman. "It hasn't been, Kathy. It's been a nightmare. I loved Elliot and the day I'm supposed to say good bye, I find out that there is a part of him inside me and he'll never ever know." Kathy got up from her chair and hugged her from behind.

"I may not have liked you much while Elliot and I were married but I respected you. And now… during the last six months, I was just glad to see that he was happy again, especially after I remarried. I… I… I'm sorry you never got the chance to be happy with him like I was."

"Will you help me Kathy? I don't mean to be imposing on you, but you have had 4 children and you know Elliot… knew him…"

"Of course I will." She said, hugging her still. "Your not alone Olivia."

* * *

><p><span>January 12<span>th

"_Hey baby" Elliot called as he stepped into the bedroom and saw her curled in the middle of the bed. "What happened?"_

"_My mother… She died…"_

"_Oh, Liv, I'm sorry." He said, walking over to her and sitting down beside her and rubbing her shoulders as she collapsed into his embrace, sobs coursing through her body. _

"_What happened?" he said, holding her in the crook of his arm._

"_The drinking… it killed her..." She cried, turning her face into his chest, muffling the words._

"_Its OK Liv. It will be all right." He said, swaying her slightly._

"_She was all the family I had. I have no one else in the world."_

"_You have me, Olivia. I'm your family now."_

"_I know, but she was my mother. Without her I fell so alone."_

"_You're not alone Olivia." He said, holding her close to him as she cried. He stroked her hair as her body shook with sobs. She didn't resist as he laid her down on the bed and pulled the bed covers over her and slipped under the sheets with her. He pulled her into his body and she curled into his contours. "You're not alone."_

"_Promise me," She whispered into his chest, her tears staining his oxford shirt. "Promise you'll never leave me."_

"_I couldn't even if I tried to. I love you too much."_

"_Can you promise me something else?"_

"_Anything baby, just name it."_

"_Don't let me turn into her. I don't want to waste my life like she did."_

"_Olivia, your mother didn't waste her life." And she looked up at him, tears still streaking her face. "She raised a beautiful and intelligent woman who has everything to live for."_

"_What do I have to live for Elliot?" she asked, still crying and he brushed the tears away with his thumb, holding her close._

"_Your friends, your work, you are the most caring person in the world and you open your heart up to people who need you, and… me…" he finished and Olivia blinked, looking up at him. She kissed him lightly, her hand resting against his chest and relaxed slightly in his arms._

"_Thank you."_

"_For what baby?"_

"_For just loving me." She said and he smiled, brushing the wispy strands of hair away as they drifted off to sleep together._

* * *

><p><strong>August 14<strong>**th**

As July rolled round and turned into August, Olivia found her feet again back at work, but a pang of sadness still flooded through her veins each time she looked over her desk to the empty chair where Elliot once sat. Kim Jamerson was the new detective who had been assigned to the unit and he was as competent as any but he couldn't fill the void that Elliot had left behind, nor his desk which the entire unit had left as a shrine to their fallen detective. There was a clear round bump in her stomach now and Much, Finn and Cragen all had claimed familial relations to her baby. She found herself one morning, sitting alone at her desk while Munch and Finn were out chasing a lead, when a young woman came in.

"Excuse me," she said timidly from the door.

"Yes, come in." Olivia said gently gesturing her inside. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"I've been... I've been..."

"Here, sit down. What's your name? Mine's Olivia."

"Sarah."

"How old are you Sarah?"

"I'm eighteen." she whispered. "I think I've been..."

"Sarah, were you raped?" Olivia said softly and she nodded.

"I think so."

"When?"

"Earlier this morning. A guy in my dorm."

"Well, we need to get you to the hospital to get you checked out. Would that be OK?"

"OK" she said.

"I'll call some one to take you, and-"

"No, could you?"

"I'll have to check with my captain. If you just wait here, I can check but I can't make any promises." Sarah nodded and she got up and headed into Cragen's office, noting Sarah's eyes follow the curve of her belly.

Five minutes later she came out and pulled her hand bag out of her desk draw.

"I can take you." she said and Sarah stood up. Olivia wrapped her arms around her shoulders and steered her towards her car. Sarah sobbed as they drove and didn't look up until they stopped out the front.

"Are you ready?" and she nodded.

"Morning Olivia."

"Hey Wendy." she replied, smiling slightly at the nurse. "Wendy, this is Sarah. Sarah, this is my friend Wendy. Wendy, who is the SVU relations doctor today?"

"Dr Quinn. She's new. If you want to take Sarah into room three, I'll go get her."

"Sure. Sarah, come on, we'll get you settled." and the headed into the room.

"How do you know her?"

"I come down here with victims quite often. Wendy is one of the nurses who help us."

"Do they have to...?"

"They have to collect a rape kit to see what happened. Do you think you might be able to tell me what's happened?"

"I woke up this morning and I wasn't in my dorm. I was in an empty class room and I wasn't wearing anything. My clothes were ripped in a corner and there was a pile...a pile of... of wrappers... on the table..." she said crying again.

"Its OK Sarah. You just have to let the doctor do the exam and then we'll take it from there." and the girl nodded. "Do you have any family or friends who can help you home afterwards?"

"My sister lives in the city. Could you ring her for me?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you have her number?"

"It's in my book." she said, handing her address book to her.

"Sarah? How are you feeling?" the doctor said as she entered the room. "I'm Dr Quinn."

"I'm OK." Sarah said, shaking slightly as she held her knees.

"Sarah, I'm going to wait outside, and I'll call your sister. OK?" and she left the room.

Later that afternoon after Michelle, Sarah's sister had collected her and the hospital had given her a positive rape kit to deliver to forensics, Olivia finally made it back to the precinct.

"Where were you all day Liv?" Munch said as she sat back at her desk.

"A young college student came in. She'd been raped and wanted me to go to the hospital with her. Forensics is canvassing the room and the rape kit, and the file is on your desk for the field work aspect."

"Oh, this is the Sarah Miller?"

"That's the one."

"Right, thanks Liv."

"What happened outside here today?"

"We got the guy who was flashing little kids in the park. He's in booking now with Finn."

"Cragen will be happy."

"He is. We told him twenty minutes ago. Speak of the devil."

"Benson, your back."

"Yeah. Definite rape, but the guy, or guys used condoms so no DNA."

"Well, Munch and Finn can handle it from now."

"Yep, Munch all ready has the file and Forensics are going over the room as we speak. Jamerson is with them."

"Well, good work today. Both of you. You can head home. Tell Finn will you Munch? Olivia? Is something wrong?"

She had clutched her stomach and sank into her chair, running her fingers over her bump.

"Olivia?"

"I felt it move."

"Your baby?" Cragen said, watching her eyes fill with tears.

"It kicked."

"Olivia, are you OK?" Munch said, crouching down beside her.

"I'm fine." she said, wiping her tears as she looked over at Elliot's desk. Munch and Cragen both watched her eye line and Cragen squeezed her shoulder.

"If he could be here with you, he would."

"I know." she said, standing up again and pulling her bag out.

"Do you want to come have dinner with Finn and me tonight?" Munch said

"Thanks, but Kathy invited me to see the kids."

"That will be good. I don't think you should be alone after this." Cragen said and Olivia looked at him, her eyes still swimming. "Do you want me to drop you off?"

"No, I can drive myself." She said, pulling her keys out. "Thanks." And she left the building.

* * *

><p><span>January 18<span>th

"_Olivia, have you seen the Coleman file?" Elliot asked as they thumbed through pages together late one night._

"_It's on the third pile." She said, shrugging off her jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair._

"_Are you fine to tell Kathy and my kids about us tomorrow?"_

"_Yeah. Its time they knew. I mean, I'm a little scared, but I know it's important to you."_

"_Liv, I wouldn't do it if you weren't comfortable with it."_

"_No, I want to do it." She said, standing up and walking around behind him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "This can wait till tomorrow Elliot. I want to go home… and get into bed…"_

"_Is that so?" he said turning around in the chair to face her. "Did you need someone to keep you company tonight?" he added, kissing her neck. "Someone to warm you up?" and he ran his hand down her side making her shiver. "See, you're cold…"_

"_Elliot," she breathed and he stood up, pulling her by the waist into him. He planted his lips on hers, and she threw her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. "Take me home." She sighed into his ear._

_He pulled roughly away from her and pulled his keys out of his pocket, running out the door. Olivia waited as long as he could but as the ten second mark hit, her resolve broke and she sprinted after him, crashing into the car door and jumping inside. Elliot sped off towards her flat and they ran together inside. No sooner had the door closed, he pinned her against the wall and ravaged her neck. He held her hands above her head and sealed his lips over her mouth, his tongue caressing the inside and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer into her, feeling his hardness against her thigh. She smiled under his kiss and he put his hands under her butt and squeezed it gently. Olivia gasped and ran her fingers through his short crop of hair, dropping her legs back to the ground and forcing him to walk backwards, into her room._

_Elliot picked her up again and tossed her onto her bed as loosely as he would a rag doll. She reached out to him but he pushed her hands away and pulled her shirt off her, running his hands over her newly exposed skin. Olivia arched into his hands and roughly pulled at his own shirt, ripping the buttons apart. He locked them in a kiss and worked furiously at the buttons on her pants as she did the same to him. They both unsuccessfully tried to pull their pants off but their position made it impossible. Elliot stood up and ripped her pants off her body, kicking his own off and rolling back on top of her._

"_Honey, I need you." She said in a whimper and he reached behind her to pull her bra off and ran his hands over the fleshy mounds. He pinched her nipples and she flushed in pleasure, arching into his hands again, and yearning for his touch. "Elliot!" she gasped and he bent over her and took one of her breasts in her mouth. She cried out in pleasure and held his head to her chest as he suckled her, teasing her other breast with his hand and she grinded her hips against his cock, feeling him harden even more through his underwear. She pushed his underwear off and held his cock in her hand, feeling his mouth and hands halt in shock on her breasts. Slowly, she rolled them over and stroked his cock, watching his eyes flutter closed in pleasure as his breathing became sharp and erratic. _

_Bending over him, she kissed the tip of him making his tips buck in pleasure and before he knew it she had engulfed him, swirling her tongue around his shaft, feeling the separate pulse with her lips._

"_Fuck! Liv!" he cried as she began to gently suck at him "I won't last!" but she didn't stop, using her hand to stimulate his balls. She nipped at the sensitive skin and he bucked his hips into her mouth. Only seconds later she felt him tense suddenly and he exploded into her mouth and she happily lapped up his seed._

"_Liv!" he gasped as she licked him clean and crawled back up on top of him, smiling. "No one had ever done that to me."_

"_Never? Not even Kathy?"_

"_No, she thought it was disgusting."_

"_Well, my gift to you…" she said, running her hand over his chest, down to his navel. She could feel him respond again against her leg and Elliot flipped them over again, pressing himself against her body. "You want me again already babe." She said as he rolled her underwear down her legs and kissing her passionately. _

"_You better believe it." He said, pulling a condom out of the box in the night stand and rolling it on. "I love you Liv."_

"_Me too." Olivia said and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he pushed himself inside her, both of them groaning in pleasure at the contact. Elliot pulled out and back in again, matching Olivia's hip thrusts in the familiar pattern of their love making._

"_Elliot…" Olivia breathed against his ear as she began to shake, the end drawing near._

"_I love you Olivia. Every fibre in my body says I love you." He gasped, still thrusting into her. Seconds later her walls tightened around his cock and she arched into his hips, pulling him into a kiss as he exploded deep within her._

"_Olivia, you make me happier than I ever could have." He said as he collapsed sideways on the bed and pulled her on top of him, pulling the covers up over them._

"_Ditto." She said, kissing him. "It seems you spend more time here than you do at your own place."_

"_Well, I can't leave you alone. You are irresistible."_

"_Why don't you stay here? With me?"_

"_You mean live here with you?" he said, running his hand up and down her back._

"_Yeah… if you want…"_

"_I'd like that Liv. I really would. It's just that…"_

"_You want to wait and see how the kids react… don't you."_

"_Yeah. Is that a problem?"_

"_No, just think about it, OK?"_

"_Trust me Liv. I'm thinking about it but I want to talk to my kids first."_

"_Yeah, I understand." She said, burying her head in his shoulder._

"_Liv, I want to but I need to talk to my family. I do love you."_

"_I love you too Elliot." She said and they drifted off to sleep._

* * *

><p><strong>August 14<strong>**th**

"Hi Kathy." Olivia said, standing on her doorstep

"Hello Olivia, how are you?"

"I'm OK." She said, following Kathy into the house and back into the kitchen

"Are you sure? You look like you've been crying."

"It's been a bit rough this evening, emotionally."

"What happened?" she asked, putting the kettle on

"Just before I left the station, I felt the baby start kicking."

"Oh, Olivia, that's wonderful."

"I just couldn't help but hope that Elliot would walk through the door to feel it with me." She said, wiping her eyes slightly.

"I understand. When I was pregnant with Maureen, Elliot was undercover and I couldn't tell him anything. He was gone nearly three months and I was nearly two months pregnant when I realised. That put me right around where you are now when he came back. He missed the first time she kicked."

"You knew he was coming home though."

"No, I didn't. He could have been killed and never know." Kathy said, pouring some tea.

"He did though – there was a good chance that he would come home, not like now. Listen, I know it's not the same, but have faith that he's watching over you and the baby in heaven. I tell myself that he's watching Mo, Katie, Liz and Dickie every day, even though I love Jason, he isn't their father."

"Yeah… When are the kids coming home?"

"Jason is bringing them home after school. They have sport this afternoon, but they should be home any minute."

"I'm just going to wash my face." She said and she disappeared into the bathroom.

When she came out five minutes later, the yells of the twins greeted her ears, telling her that Jason was home.

"Hi!" she called, bending down to hug the twins as they ran towards her.

"Hello Aunty Livia." Liz said, throwing her small hands around her neck.

"My you're getting big. How old are you now? Twenty?"

"We're six!" Dickie said, hugging her ankles

"Oh, well then are you too old for a kiss?"

"NO!" he screamed and he ran away from her. Olivia picked Liz up and carried her into the kitchen where Dickie was cowering behind his mother and Mo and Katie were helping themselves to water.

"Aunty Liv!" Mo cried hugging her belly. The older girls were thrilled at the idea of a new sibling and every chance they got; they stole their step-father's stethoscope to listen to the baby's heartbeat.

"Hi Aunty Liv." Katie said, handing her a picture. "Liz drew that for you."

"Did you do this for me?" Olivia asked the child still in her arms.

"Yeah. That's my family. There's mommy, and Jason and Mo, and Katie, and Dickie, and you and me! And see there's a baby in your tummy, and daddy is in the sky."

"That's a beautiful picture." She said with tears swelling in her eyes.

"Did Aunty Olivia tell you the good news?" Kathy said, seeing Olivia's reaction

"What?" Katie said, walking around the kitchen counter

"Her baby started moving today."

"Wow!" Katie said and both she and Mo put their hands on her stomach, feeling for any movement.

"It's not moving now." Olivia said, smiling and sitting down at the table where Jason was putting down plates of food.

"Why don't you kids go and start you homework and I'll call you when the dinner is ready. OK?" Kathy said and her children disappeared up the stairs to their bedrooms.

"How are you feeling?" Jason asked, sitting down opposite her.

"I'm OK."

"I saw you at the hospital today, with Dr Quinn. I was called in for a pregnant woman in a car accident."

"That's a tragedy. Yeah, I was there, a rape victim came into the precinct. She asked me to take her to the hospital."

"I saw her chart. She should be fine. How's your pregnancy going?"

"Yes, do you know if it's a boy or a girl? I always found out at around five months." Kathy said, smiling as she stirred the pot on the stove.

"I don't know yet. I can find out if I like on Thursday."

"Are you going to?" Jason said, picking at a piece of tomato in the salad on the table.

"I'm not sure. I don't really care, as long as it's healthy."

"That's the right attitude. I've seen so many mothers come and go trying get me to ensure they have a son or daughter."

"You're an IVF specialist, aren't you?"

"Yeah. OBGYN with invitro practice."

"Well, please don't be offended if I don't ask you to deliver my baby but it is a little strange at the thought of having a friend do it."

"Oh, none taken." He smiled, getting up to take the plate of spaghetti from his wife and putting it on the table.

"Go get the kids hun." Kathy said, handing plates to Olivia to put around the table.

"You know, I can't believe you and your family have just accepted me like this."

"Every one deserves a family, and you are part of ours."

"Kathy, would you like to… to come with me on Thursday. With the girls? I think they'd like that."

"I'm sure they'd love it. What time is it though? Because I don't want them missing school."

"Not till 5pm after I finish work."

"Then we'd love to come."

March 7th

"_Please, Olivia!" Elliot moaned, as she pushed him out of her way._

"_Elliot, we are running late!" she cried, pulling her trousers on as he tried to kiss her neck._

"_We have over an hour. You forgot the daylight savings time change."_

"_Oh, shit! You're right!" and she dashed out of the room, her shirt only on one arm, changing all the clocks in her apartment. _

"_Come back here. We have an hour and I know you well enough to say that you don't really want to spend it doing chores." He said, pulling her by the waist back down on the bed. He pulled her shirt off her and on top of his chest._

"_Elliot, what are you doing?" she laughed as he undid the buttons on her pants._

"_I think we could both use a shower." He said, once her pants were off and taking his own pyjamas off, and carried her into the bathroom._

"_Honey, we'll never make it to work in time." She said, squirming as he caressed her upper thighs. _

"_Then we'll be late." He said and he dropped her on her feet in the bathroom, turning the water on. He pulled his underwear off as Olivia, smiling and shaking her head slightly stepped into the shower, throwing her bra and panties out the door as he stepped in._

_Elliot cupped her face as the water cascaded down their bodies and kissed her lightly, pulling her into his body, massaging her back and letting the water stimulate the touches. _

"_Oh, god, you know exactly how to make me weak." Olivia moaned as he started kissing her neck, caressing her sides with his hands._

"_And proud of it." He gasped between kisses and he wrapped her legs around his waist, turning her round so that the water hit her stomach between them and stroking the inside of her thighs with one hand, and using the other to hold her up. She gasped and buried her head in the crook of his neck as he pushed a finger inside, gently stimulating her clit with his thumb._

"_Oh God, Elliot!" she cried and he kissed her passionately as he continued to pump his finger, adding a second and she began to shake. _

_Just as her shakes turned violent and Elliot knew she was on the edge, he pulled his hand away and she scowled in protest._

"_Elliot!" she cried, but he silenced her with his lips, pushing her up against the tiled shower walls and rammed himself into her. Olivia groaned in relief and a violent wave of pleasure coursed through her and she threw back her head her walls tightening around his cock. He held himself still while she rode out the wave and sucked at her neck, her tremors bringing him to the edge. She looked up as she finished her high and pulled his head off her shoulder, kissing him firmly as he began to move again._

"_God Elliot!" she cried as he stimulated her clit again as he moved in and out of her._

"_Liv, Jeez, I love you!" he cried and he exploded deep within her, his hot cum driving her over the edge again while filling her to the top. Releasing her legs, she melted in his arms, falling off him and wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing him again, the water drizzling around them._

"_Oh Elliot." She said, resting her head against his shoulder as he turned off the water. "That was, incredible."_

"_It really was." He said, breathing hard as he turned off the water and handed her a towel, wrapping it tightly around her. "And guess what babe."_

"_What?" she said, still in an orgasmic haze._

"_Now we're late"_

* * *

><p><strong>August 18<strong>**th**

"Are you sure you girls want to stay?" Kathy asked her daughters as they watched Olivia roll her shirt up for her doctor.

"Yes mom, I want to stay." Maureen said, watching the doctor move the ultrasound over her stomach.

"See, girls, this is going to be your new brother or sister." Olivia said, pointing at the screen where her baby was clearly defined.

"Wow." Katie said as Liz reluctantly turned her face out of her mother's arms.

"How do you know Olivia?" Dr Walters said, moving the arm around.

"Kathy was my fiancé's ex-wife and these are his daughters from that marriage." Olivia said, smiling slightly.

"It's great that you can be here for her, with no other family." She said to Kathy.

"Well, I may not have gotten along very well with her while Elliot and I were married, but she is a spectacular woman and an auntie to my children, so how could I not?" Kathy said.

"So, Olivia, would you like to know if you are having a little girl or boy?" Dr Walters said, seeing the little girls' eyes light up.

"Why don't you write it down for me, and I get to torture these girls a little longer." Olivia said with a laugh, seeing Mo and Katie's faces pout in anger.

"Yes, maybe she'll tell you after dinner if you eat all your vegetables." Kathy said. "Come on girls, Auntie Olivia needs to get changed." And she shepherded her girls out.

"Olivia, do you really want to know?" Dr Walters said once the troops had left.

"Yeah. I need to start planning a nursery." Olivia said, wiping her stomach clear of the gel.

"Well, you are having a little boy."

"Really?"

"Yeah. See here? On the screen." She said, pointing out the definite characteristics of a boy.

"Wow." She breathed, staring at the screen. "I'm having a boy. A son."

"Yeah." Dr Walters said, printing off another photo for her.

"I suppose I'd better buy some blue then." She said, a tear blossoming in her eye again.

"I know it's really not my place to comment, but you are very lucky to be embraced by your fiancé's family."

"They've known me for a long time. My fiancé was actually my partner, at the NYPD."

"He was a detective like you?"

"Yeah, we were partners on the SVU squad for six years before we started getting involved romantically." She said as she pulled her shirt back over her head and her skirt up to her hips, letting it rest just under the curve of her belly.

"Well, you look after that little boy now. Just think that he'll be a fighter like both his parents."

"Thank you." Olivia said and she slipped on her shoes and walked out the room.

"So, do you know?" Kathy said as she came out.

"Yes." Olivia said, smiling slightly, "But what do you say girls, should I tell her to wait till she's finished all her vegies like you?"

"Yeah!" Liz said and they laughed walking out the door. Olivia couldn't help but hold on to that little piece of serenity, the knowledge that she could genuinely smile again without the cascading pain of grief.

"Olivia?" Kathy said as the girls ran ahead in front.

"I'm all right. I just miss him. Especially at times like these." She said, her hands across her stomach, feeling the light flutters of movement.

"Is it moving?"

"Yeah, do you want to feel it?" she said, taking Kathy's hand and putting it over the spot.

"There'll be more of this to come." Kathy said, dropping her hand after a moment.

"Was mommy feeling the baby move?" Mo asked as they reached the car.

"Yes she was." Olivia said, sitting down on a near by bench and drawing Katie and Mo over to her, placing their hands on her bump.

"Wow!" Mo cried as Katie giggled and pulled her hand away in shock.

"Do you want to feel the baby Lizzy?" but she shook her head, still slightly afraid.

"Well why don't we get home for dinner and then Aunty Liv can tell us if she is having a baby boy or girl. Come on girls." Kathy said and they piled into the car, driving back towards the house.

She knew how lucky she was to have them as her family, lucky that they hadn't alienated her because of her relationship with Elliot. She smiled as she drove back to her apartment for the last time. She was moving the next day into a larger apartment for her and her expectant son, one where there would be a second room for the baby and room for everything she would need. She took a final walk through her flat, the memories washing over her as she remembered the events that had happened. Tears ran down her face as she saw Elliot's face, sitting on her couch with a beer, massaging her shoulders as they watched the news late at night or singing badly in her shower. Slowly she pulled some empty boxes towards her and continued to empty her draws into them, distracting herself with the work till morning.

* * *

><p><em><span>March 29<span>__th_

"_Olivia, are you OK?" Elliot said rubbing her back as she sat up on the bathroom floor._

"_Yeah, I'll be fine." She said, wiping her mouth and rinsing with the water he had handed with her._

"_Do you think it was the Chinese from last night? Because I don't feel that bad."_

"_It must be. Did you have any of the chicken?"_

"_No, I stuck to the beef. That must be it, although if I didn't know better I'd say that you were pregnant."_

"_Well, we both know that's not the case." She said, gargling with the water and spitting it into the sink. Getting up from the floor, she walked back out into the kitchen, switching on the kettle and pulling the coffee out of the pantry, hurrying to get ready for work._

"_Liv, slow down a moment." Elliot said, pulling the mugs out of her hands and pulling her into a hug._

"_What is it babe?" she said, letting him pick her up and sit her on the kitchen counter._

"_There's something I've wanted to ask you for a while."_

"_What? Come on spit it out or we'll be late for work."_

"_Marry me Liv." He said, running his fingers through her hair._

"_Huh?" she said shocked, abandoning her efforts to get off the bench._

"_Let's get married. I love you so much and I don't want to hide it any more. I want to come out and tell them all."_

"_Seriously?" she said, bracing herself against the counter and he nodded. She put her hands on either side of his head and pulled him into a kiss, wrapping her legs around his waist. "Yes." She said pulling back, smiling broadly, even more so as he pulled a box out of his pocket. He opened it and she gasped when she saw a diamond ring sitting on the box._

"_Elliot, honey!" she cried, throwing her arms around his neck._

"_I'll tell the captain and then you can wear this." He said, closing the box and putting it in the mantle draw._

"_I'm not going to be able to stop smiling all day." She said as he lifted her off the bench and grinned, slipping out the door._

_Olivia, smiled again, her eyes glancing over at the mantle and pulled her jacket on. It was going to be a hard day, but she knew at the end, she could make Elliot smile even wider than he already was._

* * *

><p><strong>November 15<strong>**th**

Olivia sat in the precinct with Munch going over a serial killer's files that afternoon, slowly growing tired despite the hour.

"You're tired Liv, you should go home." Munch said, seeing her yawn over the files

"I've only got three more days at work, so I'm staying and pulling my weight." She said

"Is this case getting to you? You've been here till early in the morning every night and are here by seven each day only going over this case."

"It hits close to home now, that's all. I mean the guy is shooting pregnant women and then aborting the foetuses."

"You're not worried that you are going to become a target?" Munch asked her as she stood up to grab another file, her heavily pregnant stomach knocking over a stack.

"No… I mean, it's possible for any pregnant woman but the way you, Fin and Cragen have kept me captive here so I don't think that could happen." She said, collecting the files off the floor and putting them back on her desk.

"So who exactly are we looking for." Munch asked as she walked over to the white board.

"White male, devout, almost evangelical religious beliefs. He probably started with his own partner and then killed the other women because he felt that that was what he was meant to do."

"You mean like this guy?" came Fin's voice from the door as he and Jameson walked in with a man handcuffed between them. "Is interrogation free?"

"No, Cragen is using it." Olivia said, her back still to them all. "Cuff him to the chair." She said, writing something on the white board. She turned around, putting the marker back on the shelf and the man saw her belly, his eyes immediately fixated upon it.

"What's this guy's name?" Munch said

"Luke Ranch. The first victim was his girlfriend." Jameson said.

"You're not married are you detective." He said, still staring at Olivia, his eyes running over her hands, devoid of any rings.

"No." she said, sitting down at her desk, pulling out the booking form. "Fin, Cragen wanted you and Kim when you got back to help with the interrogation. Munch and I can watch this." She gestured to Ranch.

"Sure?"

"He's cuffed to the chair. What can he do." Munch said and Fin nodded, walking down the hall with Kim.

"Why aren't you married detective? You have a baby coming. You should be married." He said, venom in his voice.

"Date of birth?" she said, not looking up from the clip board.

"March twelfth 1972" he said still watching her. "Why aren't you married detective"

"Place of birth?"

"Chicago." He said, fiddling with his hands as he sat.

"Hey, sit still." Munch said, getting up and walking round to face him.

"Munch do you have that description to see if he matches it?" Olivia said and he reluctantly moved away from the chair to get the drawing from the filing cabinet.

Almost instantly Ranch broke the arm of the chair with his elbow and grabbed something from the inside of his pants. Pointing the gun at her, Olivia froze, her blood running cold. Munch turned around at the sound and pulled his own piece aiming it at Ranch's head.

"You should be married detective." He said and he squeezed the trigger, the loud bang echoing around the room

* * *

><p><em><span>31<span>__st__ March_

_Elliot walked out of the squad room, looking around for Olivia._

"_Where's Benson?" he asked to the room at large._

"_She's getting coffee outside." Fin said, his head in a draw and he walked outside to meet her._

"_Olivia!" he called, waving at her as he walked down toward the coffee cart._

"_Did it all go smoothly?" she said, handing him a cup of coffee_

"_Not exactly, but he said he'd transfer me to homicide and that he expects an invitation to the wedding." He smiled. _

"_How is that bad then?" she said_

"_He yelled a bit before I could talk to him properly. Wanted to know how many cases we could have 'corrupted' because of our relationship. He said that this case will be our last one as partners and we just have to keep everything under the wrapper till it's closed."_

"_Well, I'm not saying this so I can kiss you in the street, but isn't that Marsden just there?" she said making Elliot turn._

_Marsden was a rapist they had been chasing for the rape of an eight year old girl, for three days now. They had the evidence and the ID's but hadn't been able to find him in that time._

"_He's just walking to work. This guy is either incredibly stupid or thinks we don't have him yet." She said, quietly reaching for her gun, Elliot doing the same._

"_Go left?" he said, moving to the right "Eric Marsden?"_

"_Who's asking?" he said, turning to face Elliot._

"_Detective Stabler. Special Victims Unit. You're under arrest for the crime of rape." He said walking towards him. He turned to run and saw Olivia's gun in his face_

"_Wrong move." She said, pulling out her cuffs. _

_She had locked one of them on when he swung around and hit her across the face, making her fall to the ground. He stooped, grabbed her gun and ran up the street, Elliot in pursuit, his gun drawn. They turned into a side street, Olivia not far behind them when she heard two almost simultaneous gunshots. Her blood ran cold as she turned into the street and saw both of them lying on the ground._

Olivia felt the hot metal pierce her skin and she collapsed to the ground, blood flowing from the hole in her side. She looked up from the floor and saw their suspect in a pool of blood on the floor, a bullet in his head as Munch ordered an ambulance before stooping down and putting his handkerchief over her wound. She could feel her baby kicking furiously under her hand and her blood ran cold at the thought that her baby had been shot as well.

"Ma'am, hold still." She heard someone said, and she opened her eyes to see two men in uniform, red crosses on their chest. "Can you hear me? Tell me your name if you can."

"Olivia." She rasped as someone prised her hand away from the wound

"Olivia can you tell me when your are due?"

"December 6" she ended in a cry as someone pressed against the bullet entrance.

"Olivia, we are going to take you to hospital, OK? We just need to put you on the gurney, it might be uncomfortable." The voice said and she cried out as she felt her body being lifted.

She screamed aloud in pain once she was lying flat, her hand moving to the underside of her belly and heard the paramedics move into frenzy again.

"What's happening?" she heard Munch say as the wheeled her out as fast as they could

"She's gone into labour from the stress on her body. We have to get her to the hospital now." They said and they ran her out of the building, police lined across the hall way like a silent honour guard.

Within five minutes, she was at the hospital and she could hear what the doctors were telling her, even though she dared not open her eyes.

"Olivia, you're lucky, the bullet missed the uterus and is lodged in the abdominal muscle but you have gone into labour." A voice said "We're taking you for an emergency c-section and when you wake up, you will get to see your baby." She nodded weakly and the world went black all around her, reality fading away.

"_Elliot!" she screamed, running over to him, a dark red stain gushing over his hands at his chest. "I'm here." She said, falling to the ground beside him, pushing her hands against his wound, applying as much pressure as she could_

"_Liv." He rasped, blood trickling out of his mouth._

"_No, don't talk, hang on honey, hang on." She pleaded as some of the cops that had heard the shots arrived and called for a bus._

"_I love you Liv." He said, his face going deathly white._

"_No. Elliot NO!" she cried, snatching the gauze someone gave her to block the wound._

"_I love you." He coughed, blood spraying on her clean white shirt as he did so._

"_Don't you die on me Elliot. No. Don't go. I love you Elliot. Don't you dare die. Hold on…" she cried._

_She felt a pair of strong arms prying her away from him and through the haze of tears saw paramedics take over her job._

"_Let me go!" she screamed, fighting the person or people holding her back. She saw the paramedics lift him into ambulance and the red and white truck speed away and she felt herself lifted into a squad car that sped off after it. She didn't wait till the car had stopped at emergency, climbing out and running after him till she was caught again by the same arms._

"_Let me go, I have to be with him." She cried fighting fruitlessly against her captor. _

"_Olivia," she heard Cragen's voice and she turned around to see her captain and she sobbed into his arms. He enveloped her, steering her into the private room the nurse indicated to him and sat her down in the chair._

_He let her go, reaching for a paper towel to wipe her hands clear of the blood, her shirt still more red then white though now and she cried softly, her head leaning against the back wall._

"_Marsden is dead Olivia." Cragen said but she sat still, tears still running ceaselessly down her face._

"_Detective? Captain?" a voice said from the door and Olivia looked up at him, her eyes shining. "I'm so sorry, but there was nothing we could do." He said and Olivia broke down, sinking off the chair and onto the floor, crying profusely._

"_No, no, no…" she wailed as Cragen stood in shock_

"_We need to notify next of kin." The doctor told Cragen._

"_You just have. She was his fiancée." He said, shock embossed on his face. _

_Olivia didn't know how long she lay on the floor but she knew that someone picked her up after a while and took her into a shower room. She assumed it was a nurse, hosing her down, washing the blood off her hands and face, putting her in a set of greens to go home in. She felt someone carry her into a car and then pick her up again, taking her back to her apartment and sitting her on her bed. She turned into the pillows crying again as the person left the room and she heard voices outside her bedroom door. She knew people were there but she didn't know who. All she knew was that the man she loved would never hold her again._

"Olivia?" Cragen said gently as she began to open her eyes.

"Who's there." She said, trying to sit up, but the pain in her stomach was too much to bear. She looked down and saw her now relatively flat stomach and tried to sit up again.

"It's me, Don." He said, pushing her shoulders back down.

"What happened?" she cried, clutching his sleeve in desperation.

"You were shot Olivia, and you went into labour. The doctors delivered your baby for you. A little boy."

"Where is he?" she demanded, still clinging onto his arm.

"I'll get the nurse." He said and he prised her fingers away, momentarily leaving the room.

A nurse came in, tilting the bed up so she was sitting as another came in with a blue bundle.

"Miss Benson, meet your son." She said, handing the baby to her. She felt the tears drip down her eyes as she stared at her sleeping babe. "You've got to pick a name for him Olivia." Cragen said as the nurse left.

"I know." She said, the tears still falling down her face.

"Olivia, Elliot had to be watching over you both. That's why he wasn't shot too and why you lived." He said, knowing what she was thinking.

"Yeah." She said, wiping the tears from her face.

"Do you have a name for him?"

"Yes." She said, running her finger down the side of her son's face.

"What are you going to call him?"

"I… I don't know." She sighed running a hand over the back of his head, seeing Elliot's face in this child.

"You need time alone with him." Cragen said and he stood up, walking out of the room, Olivia's face still fixated on her son.

"How is she doing?" Munch asked as Cragen came out into the waiting room where the entire precinct was waiting as well as a few of their ADA's.

"She has a son." He said simply, sitting down and Alex and Casey's faces broke into wide smiles.

"Is he cute?"

"What does he look like?"

"Like Elliot." Cragen said, leaning back in the chair.

"How is Olivia though? The doctors would only talk to you since you're her captain." Fin demanded.

"Bullet lodged in her abdominal muscles, missing her baby entirely. They said she'll have a sore stomach for a while and it might be hard to sit still for long though."

"But she is going to be alright?" Alex asked genuine concern in her voice.

"Yes, but they said they both have to stay here for a few weeks." He concluded and the group sank into silence.

"Excuse me, Captain?" a nurse said about an hour later and they all looked up at the woman in pink scrubs.

"Yes?"

"Ms Benson says that everyone who is still here can stop worrying and that if they want to come and meet her baby, you are more than welcome – But my rules; no more than two at a time." She finished as they all stood up.

"You know what, why don't you ladies go in. We have to and talk to IA about the shooting." Cragen said.

"Tell Olivia we'll come and see her later tonight." Munch said and they three men left the hospital while the counsellors walked into the room.

"Oh, Olivia, he is so cute!" Casey sighed as they came in and saw her staring at the baby in her arms.

"Hey." She said, looking up at them briefly before turning back to her son, wiping a tear subconsciously away.

"Cragen was right – he looks like Elliot." And Olivia nodded, a few more tears falling down her face. "Does he have a name?"

"I think, Nicholas. Nick Elliot Benson-Stabler." She said, wiping her face with the sleeve of the gown she was wearing.

"It sounds great." Casey said, sitting down in the chair beside the bed.

"Can I have a hold?" Alex asked and nodding, Olivia handed the baby to her, wincing slightly at the movement.

"How do you feel?"

"Empty." She said gesturing to her now caved in stomach, her eyes trained though on her son.

"Liv, Ranch is dead." Casey said, leaning forward, her elbows resting on her knees as she held her hand. "Munch told us he shot him, so you will never have to face the guy again."

"That's good."

"You know Olivia," Alex said as she handed the baby to Casey for a hold. "Elliot would be proud of you today."

"How do you mean? I was shot and woke up in a hospital bed with someone telling me that they had delivered my baby – what have I done to be proud of?"

"You stood still in front of a man who you knew would try and kill you and your baby but didn't back away from what you believed in – justice, and while Elliot would have been furious, he would have understood the reason you did it and he would have been proud that you stood up to the piece of shit. That and you survived. You can be proud of that." And tears silently falling down her face again, Olivia nodded, accepting the hug Alex offered.

They left ten minutes later as a nurse came in to check on them and Olivia took her son back, cradling him in her arms.

"You look just like your daddy." She said, staring down at him, a tear dripping down her face as he yawned, his finger wrapping around hers. "I'm sorry you'll never know him, but I'll do the best I can. I'll make sure you turn out to be as good a man as he was." And she brushed the tear away. Nick opened his eyes and the brilliant blue that Elliot had had, shone through, emphasising the similarities between them. There was no doubt that he was Elliot's and it seemed as though his sprit had guided himself inside her when he died, giving everything he could to their baby.

"I promise I'll love you till the day I die." Olivia said and Nick turned slightly, yawning again and closing his eyes, both mother and son, drifting off to sleep.

_15__th__ September 1990_

"_She's beautiful Elliot." Olivia said cradling his daughter at their desks one morning._

"_Yeah, I know." He said, adjusting the hat his wife had put on their baby girl. Kathy had sent him into work with baby Kathleen that morning since Maureen had the chicken pox and they were worried for their newborn. "You know she was a full eight pounds when she was born?" _

"_Really?" Olivia said smiling, sitting down at her desk, still holding her partner's daughter, giving her a bottle to feed her with. "Isn't that big for a baby?"_

"_Yeah, it's on the larger size. I was so proud of Kathy though. Just seven days after giving birth she's looking after Mo."_

"_Well, it means you get to spend a day with this gorgeous baby."_

"_Or you do rather – you know we've been here three hours and you've held her the entire time?"_

"_Have I really?" and he nodded, laughing._

"_Yeah. You look really good with her in your arms though. You'll make a good mom. Are you planning on having kids?"_

"_If it happens. I'd like to have children some day but I don't want them with just anyone." She smiled as the infant hungrily drank from her bottle. _

"_Well, you can look after her for me today if you like – a bit of practice before you snag Mr Right and get yourself knocked up."_

"_And what – if I don't find him you'll do it for me like you do everything else?"_

"_You're my partner Liv." He said softly and she knew that it meant he would be there for her in a way no one else would be. _

_Elliot sat back at his desk, watching his young partner rock his daughter. She looked comfortable with the child – not at all how he had been when Maureen was born. He was nervous – afraid of dropping her and yet, Olivia was sitting there like she had been with children her whole life. When she had children, she would be ready._

* * *

><p>24th November<p>

Olivia stood up in her hospital room, closing the lid of her suitcase as the nurse brought in her son.

"Good morning Ms Benson. Are you ready to go home with your son?" the nurse said handing Nicholas to her.

"I've been ready since Monday." She said, taking her baby, and resting him against her shoulder, patting his back.

"Are you going to be alright by yourself? I know… I know you're not married or have a partner or anyone."

"My friends are going to stay with me for a little while, till I can manage." She said, sitting down to feed Nicholas one last time before they went home together for the first time. "I'm just waiting for Casey to pick me up to take me home."

"That's good." She said, putting the baby capsule on the bed, ready for whenever the attorney arrived. "Who were the other children that came in earlier?"

"My late fiancé's children from his marriage. Elliot died the day after he proposed to me… the day I found out I was pregnant."

"Well, you are lucky to have such a wide support network." She said and she turned around, leaving her alone.

"Olivia?" came Casey's voice a few minutes later and she looked up, her son still feeding though.

"Hey Casey." She smiled as her friend sat down on the edge of the bed. "He'll be a few minutes."

"Take your time. It's not fair to rush a baby." And she smiled, turning back to him.

"Thanks." She nodded, cupping the back of his head. "Do you mind if we make a stop on the way home?"

"No, where do you want to go?" and she just smiled sadly, looking down at her son.

"Hey Elliot." She said looking down at the smooth face of his tombstone and she sat down on the ground, wrapping the blanket tighter around their son against the chill of the approaching winter. "This is our son honey. This is Nicholas Elliot Benson Stabler, our little boy. He was born nine days ago now after I got shot in the stomach. He's a beautiful little boy. He's strong and healthy." And she let her hand rest at the foot of the headstone, feeling the cold grass with her fingertips. Snow was starting to fall around them and Olivia pulled the little blue hat out of her pocket and put it on her son, shielding his face from the cold.

"How long has she been there?" Cragen asked walking up to stand beside Casey, doing up his coat.

"Nearly an hour now. I don't think we should disrupt her though. She needs to do this." And he nodded, Alex, Fin and Munch joining them in support for their friend. She was just sitting their on the grave with the snow falling around her and her son but it was nearing the two hour mark when Don walked over to her and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Olivia?" he said and she looked up, tears running down her face. "It's snowing Olivia. You should get home and warm your son up."

"He'll never get to meet him. I'm sitting here in the snow with our son and he'll never get to hold him or see him." She said, not moving even though her son had started to cry.

"Olivia, Elliot loved you and if her were here now, he would tell you to look after Nicholas – to look after your boy. You need to take him home and out of the cold. Leaving here now doesn't mean you don't love Elliot – he knows… knew that." He said and tears rolled down her cheeks as she got to her feet.

"Thanks." Olivia sniffed and he led her over to the car, taking Casey's keys and taking her home.


End file.
